U.S.HEY! Wishes You a Happy Presidents’ Day

What better way to celebrate your day off school, work, or both than by commemorating the men who made America what it is today?

Our readers with children have been asking: How can I make sure my child grows up feeling as devoted towards the great U. S. of A. as I do? On a day like Presidents’ Day, where parents are forced to spend the entire day with their kids, U.S.HEY! officials decided it was the perfect chance for parents to instill the virtue of patriotism in their children.

U.S.HEY!’s solution to this dilemma: Presidentially Inspired Arts & Crafts! What better way to force your opinions down your child’s throat than with an activity that would not only be educational, but also be fun!

We have come up with a few fun and fact-filled ways to teach children about the importance of the Executive Branch. In fact, you don’t have to be a kid to do these projects – all ages are welcome to join in the fun!

1. Patriotic Pebble

Remember pet rocks? Well, we’ve thought of an even better way to decorate the beautiful stones right outside your own front door! Gather your red, white, and blue paint, and a few of your favorite rock friends and tell them to get ready for a makeover! Make a flag (shown on right), paint your favorite president’s face, or write the lyrics to the national anthem. Patriotic Pebbles show the world that you think of all things, even rocks, in terms of their potential to scream: “I love America!”

2. Presidential Popsicle Sticks

Stop here, faint of heart. This project may seem simple, but hear you me, looks can be deceiving. When crafting Presidential Popsicle Sticks, one does not stop after one or two have been completed.  March on, soldiers, to create your very own COMPLETE set of home-made Presidents-on-a-Stick! Gather 44 popsicle sticks, and use a fine-tip sharpie to portray the presidents with as much accuracy as possible. Felt suits, yarn hair, and pompom hats optional. Once complete, your Presidential Popsicle Sticks can double as playful puppets! Try to recreate the confidential Oval Office conversations of the Watergate Era, or have pretend debates between opposing parties!

3. Paper Mache White House

This project will excite the environmentally conscious as its very tools provide a fun new way to reuse old newspaper and shoe boxes.  Use a shoe box and bleached strips of newspaper (the White House is white, not grey) to create your own miniature house of heroes! We’re not sure quite how paper mache-ing works, but we’re sure our readers with children are familiar with this process. A patriotic alternative to a doll house, the Paper Mache White House will have your kids familiar with Executive Branch policies in no time!

4. My Very Own Mount Rushmore

This ambitious project will leave your neighbors in awe. Cover the front of your home in an enormous sheet of slate rock. Grab your chisels, and have at it! Carve the faces of your four favorite presidents for the whole world to see. Show everyone just how patriotic you can be by using your entire home as a commemorative canvas! Bonus points if sculpture is visible on Google Earth.

And guess what, readers – U.S.HEY! has a U.SURPRISE! E-mail a photo of your Arts & Crafts with a 500-1000 word essay on your favorite president and/or presidential accomplishment.  The Commander in Chief herself will select the best of the best, the cream of the crafty crop, and will post the winner tomorrow on George Washington’s real-life birthday! Unleash your inner artist and win big (or at least enjoy your fifteen minutes of U.S.HEY! fame).

-Commander in Chief

Great American Literature Top 10

No country surpasses America in proliferation of great literature. Although the U.S.HEY! administration cannot claim to have read each of the books below, we have heard great things about them. For the convenience of our readers, the Top 10 American Books of All Time have been compiled below, complete with links for purchase and a brief commendation of each.

10. Patriot Games, Tom Clancy

American Tom Clancy’s best-selling novel was so great that a movie was created in its honor.  Studies have shown that most Americans are visual learners, so U.S.HEY! cannot think of a better way to spread the word to the people than a Hollywood movie.

9. The O’Reilly Factor: The Good, the Bad, and the Completely Ridiculous, Bill O’Reilly

Genius of geniuses, Mr. O’Reilly, dipped his toe into the literature industry for the first time in 2000 with such style and flair that his book was an instant success. But hurry! This book remains so popular that Amazon only has five copies left in stock.

8. What’s So Great About America, Dinesh D’Souza

This tale of American perseverance, told from the perspective of an Immigrant, will be one to pass down to the grand-kids. Learn about why non-natural born, would-be Americans love America just as much as we do.

7. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald

A touching tale of one man’s attempts for success, this story of heartbreak, hardship, and material woes looks at the tragedy of achieving The American Dream only to lose it. In protagonist Jay Gatsby’s case, we question whether it is better to have lived the Dream and lost it, or to have never Dreamt at all.

This just in: New Great Gatsby video game takes the nation by storm.  Click here to play.

6. The Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson

Without it, we would not be the Great U.S. nation that we are today. U.S.HEY! commends American hero Thomas Jefferson for his bravery in standing up to the oppressive King George III, for fighting for his rights as an American Man, and for leaving behind a True Legacy of American Greatness.

5. US Weekly

Although not technically a novel, US Weekly details the cultural happenings of the US with such gusto that U.S.HEY! believed it was our duty to grant this great periodical the accolades its deserves.

4. The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, Benjamin Franklin

Founding Father Benjamin Franklin not only cowrote the Constitution, gained France’s support in the Revolutionary War, and achieved remarkable material success in the printing industry – he detailed each day of his professional life for the benefit of future generations. Thank you, Mr. Franklin, for setting the bar so high for the rest of us.

3. Decision Points, George W. Bush

George W. Bush writes, from his own perspective, about his time as President. Amazon.com asserts that “George W. Bush’s decisions were all correct. It was just the aftermath that sometimes became muddled.” It is the duty of every American to support their President, and although many citizens lost sight of this virtue from 2001-2009, this book will help those lost little sheep find their way back to the light once again.

2. A Remarkable Record of Achievement, Morgan James Publishing

Before the Obama Regime infiltrated the White House, Yale alum and Texas native George W. Bush held the covetable position of President of America. Morgan James Publishing details W. Bush’s remarkable accomplishments in this must-read.

1. The Bible

A staple of American literature, The Bible is both the best selling and most shoplifted book in the Nation. Read tales of miracle, accomplishment in the face of adversity, and the Greatest Hero Ever, Jesus.

Honorable Mentions: Common Sense, Thomas Paine; The Official SAT Study Guide, Second Edition, The College Board; How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must), Ann Coulter; US History for Dummies, Steve Weigand

For readers interested in forming a Great American Bookclub, please comment with suggestions or email usheeey@gmail.com.

-Commander in Chief

2011 Grammy Roundup: Bieber Fever

The U.S.HEY! staffers are contacting Grammy officials about the error in selecting “Best New Artist” this year.  Tricksters Jewel and John Legend either misread or rigged the vote, favoring non-celebrity Esperanza Spalding over crowd favorite/ Mozart-of-2011 Justin Bieber.

We are extremely saddened by the lack of recognition Bieber received at the award show this year.  As Americans, we should stand together to correct this wrong.  Like History’s #4 Biggest Loser Al Gore (immediately following John Adams Sr., the country German, and the Whig Political Party), U.S.HEY! demands a recount.

This dapper and talented young gentleman holds the key to many a young (and old) girl’s (and boy’s) hearts, and he deserves all of the accolades in the world for all he has accomplished in the past year.  Please write to your local Grammy representative and urge them to reconsider their choice on this important and urgent issue.  A brief note similar to the following will suffice:

Dear Grammy Wrong-Doer,

As a constituent of American culture, I have not failed to recognize Justin Bieber’s musical accomplishments of the past year (unlike some people). In fact, I have been so focused on following the actions of this boy genius that I don’t even know who this “Esperanza” character is at all. I do know, however, that Bieber fever has taken hold of the nation and my heart. Please right your impetuous wrong against Bieber and give him the Grammy.

Never say never,

___________ (Sign here)

U.S.HEY! thanks voters everywhere for their urgency in immediately handling this issue. We would also like to ask our readers to please edit the above example letter and address it to the Academy so that a similar problem does not occur in honoring Bieber’s theatrical accomplishments.

In solidarity,

Commander in Chief

American Throwback

-Commander in Chief